As I’m put on leave of absence from work by my doctor, I read my journal of all the goals and projects I wanted to do and I’m left with a feeling of disappointment. Nothing more, nothing less.
One thing I’ve done from my list is, to have fun. I got outside my comfort zone. Could seem easy, yes, for most but not for Me I always been too serious and it was a step in a good direction.
What I did not do is: Stop overthinking everything. And that feeling that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do? I don’t fool myself to think that I’m born to change the world but, something is wrong and I feel it in my guts. It’s been a while now, but I ignored it. A wise person once told me, more than one now that I think of it, your body don’t lie. It caught up to me.
That feeling that I can’t seem to accomplish nothing is poisoning my life once again. Now, we have a word for it. A diagnosis. Called, Anxiety. I look that demon in the eye as I now, know its name. I come to realize that at the end, I’m looking at myself in the mirror. These nothing else. Everything start by myself. How do I fix it?
If someone tells me positive thinking again, I’ll find you and scratch you!
I try many times! This method only function WHEN you found the goal. That’s the whole problem, I don’t seem to find it. I know I’m not alone. Still, I really want to fix it.
As funny as it sounds, it’s a relief to admit it:
I failed. Again.