Well, I failed.

As I’m put on leave of absence from work by my doctor, I read my journal of all the goals and projects I wanted to do and I’m left with a feeling of disappointment. Nothing more, nothing less.

One thing I’ve done from my list is, to have fun. I got outside my comfort zone. Could seem easy, yes, for most but not for Me I always been too serious and it was a step in a good direction.

What I did not do is: Stop overthinking everything. And that feeling that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do? I don’t fool myself to think that I’m born to change the world but, something is wrong and I feel it in my guts. It’s been a while now, but I ignored it. A wise person once told me, more than one now that I think of it, your body don’t lie. It caught up to me.

That feeling that I can’t seem to accomplish nothing is poisoning my life once again. Now, we have a word for it. A diagnosis. Called, Anxiety. I look that demon in the eye as I now, know its name. I come to realize that at the end, I’m looking at myself in the mirror. These nothing else. Everything start by myself. How do I fix it?

If someone tells me positive thinking again, I’ll find you and scratch you!

1qt5d7 (1)I try many times! This method only function WHEN you found the goal. That’s the whole problem, I don’t seem to find it. I know I’m not alone. Still, I really want to fix it.

As funny as it sounds, it’s a relief to admit it:

I failed. Again.

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My first blog, my first post

This is pretty scary.

Fortunately, I have that agreement with my fears. I’ll be confronting them as i get aware of them.

Good guess, starting a blog it’s one of them. I’m a French Canadian from a little country village. I’ve been in the city for a while now but that fear of never being good enough in both English and my writing always stopped me. Now, it’s over. I’ll write and learn as i go. I’ve been writing all my life and except my close family, no ones know. What a shame right? I love to write.

I’ll be writing from now about different things like, my view on personal and professional events. I am a little bit of a philosopher as I been told, I’m assuming you’ll be seeing that. I definitely will share my bucket list events. This is the first idea i had just because i really enjoy following other people doing the same.

The trigger of this project is; The year of 2016.

It was real hard for all my being. After a long relationship i was left with next to nothing and it did crush a lot of myself. I started rebuilt my life and myself as the year passed by. I started overthinking on too much. I still do that too often. So what i decided instead is, for 2017, i will not worry about anything. I have so much to be grateful and i was poisoning myself with meaningless thoughts. I’ll talk about it a little in the future. In 2017, I’m looking forward for everything. That’s what I’ll be writing about. As i learn and experience you’ll be there and i know you’ll be teaching me a lot.

I want to keep this short. I’ll end this here. Like we say in french; À la prochaine!

Au plaisir,

Josy.