As I’m put on leave of absence from work by my doctor, I read my journal of all the goals and projects I wanted to do and I’m left with a feeling of disappointment. Nothing more, nothing less.

One thing I’ve done from my list is, to have fun. I got outside my comfort zone. Could seem easy, yes, for most but not for Me I always been too serious and it was a step in a good direction.

What I did not do is: Stop overthinking everything. And that feeling that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do? I don’t fool myself to think that I’m born to change the world but, something is wrong and I feel it in my guts. It’s been a while now, but I ignored it. A wise person once told me, more than one now that I think of it, your body don’t lie. It caught up to me.

That feeling that I can’t seem to accomplish nothing is poisoning my life once again. Now, we have a word for it. A diagnosis. Called, Anxiety. I look that demon in the eye as I now, know its name. I come to realize that at the end, I’m looking at myself in the mirror. These nothing else. Everything start by myself. How do I fix it?

If someone tells me positive thinking again, I’ll find you and scratch you!

1qt5d7 (1)I try many times! This method only function WHEN you found the goal. That’s the whole problem, I don’t seem to find it. I know I’m not alone. Still, I really want to fix it.

As funny as it sounds, it’s a relief to admit it:

I failed. Again.