As I’m put on leave of absence from work by my doctor, I read my journal of all the goals and projects I wanted to do and I’m left with a feeling of disappointment. Nothing more, nothing less.
One thing I’ve done from my list is, to have fun. I got outside my comfort zone. Could seem easy, yes, for most but not for Me I always been too serious and it was a step in a good direction.
What I did not do is: Stop overthinking everything. And that feeling that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do? I don’t fool myself to think that I’m born to change the world but, something is wrong and I feel it in my guts. It’s been a while now, but I ignored it. A wise person once told me, more than one now that I think of it, your body don’t lie. It caught up to me.
That feeling that I can’t seem to accomplish nothing is poisoning my life once again. Now, we have a word for it. A diagnosis. Called, Anxiety. I look that demon in the eye as I now, know its name. I come to realize that at the end, I’m looking at myself in the mirror. These nothing else. Everything start by myself. How do I fix it?
If someone tells me positive thinking again, I’ll find you and scratch you!
I try many times! This method only function WHEN you found the goal. That’s the whole problem, I don’t seem to find it. I know I’m not alone. Still, I really want to fix it.
As funny as it sounds, it’s a relief to admit it:
I failed. Again.
This is pretty scary.
Fortunately, I have that agreement with my fears. I’ll be confronting them as i get aware of them.
Good guess, starting a blog it’s one of them. I’m a French Canadian from a little country village. I’ve been in the city for a while now but that fear of never being good enough in both English and my writing always stopped me. Now, it’s over. I’ll write and learn as i go. I’ve been writing all my life and except my close family, no ones know. What a shame right? I love to write.
I’ll be writing from now about different things like, my view on personal and professional events. I am a little bit of a philosopher as I been told, I’m assuming you’ll be seeing that. I definitely will share my bucket list events. This is the first idea i had just because i really enjoy following other people doing the same.
The trigger of this project is; The year of 2016.
It was real hard for all my being. After a long relationship i was left with next to nothing and it did crush a lot of myself. I started rebuilt my life and myself as the year passed by. I started overthinking on too much. I still do that too often. So what i decided instead is, for 2017, i will not worry about anything. I have so much to be grateful and i was poisoning myself with meaningless thoughts. I’ll talk about it a little in the future. In 2017, I’m looking forward for everything. That’s what I’ll be writing about. As i learn and experience you’ll be there and i know you’ll be teaching me a lot.
I want to keep this short. I’ll end this here. Like we say in french; À la prochaine!